That's how I feel...

Recently I have become fairly upset. It seems like over my pregnancy, from early on, one thing keeps happening after another. It has become a snowball effect and the way I seem to be justifying why this stuff if happening is as a punishment for conceiving my son out of wedlock. Some of the things that have happened are probably because too much information has been shared with certain people and it's like I take a punch in the end.
I shared, probably way too early, with my work that I was pregnant and that my plan was to stay at home with my little boy. They knew not to pretty much not expect me back once Landon arrived. Then my body started having episodes and one day I passed out at work, this led to the paramedics and eventually a lovely $500-600 consequence. I continued to work but would have flashes some mornings and had to be careful not to pass out again. With the economy continuing on the decline I was the most logical for the company to get rid of. I had been trying to do things to still be working for them and I will never forget the day that they let me go. I had only been at work for about 30 minutes and had plenty of things to do (which I was fine with because that meant I was making money and contributing) and I was taken completely out of the office and let go. They did it in a way to try to let me believe that they may be calling back to work (an on-call status) but what they were really doing was laying me off because they NEVER called for me to work again.
Of course I moved on with my life and tried looking for different jobs but that didnt work out too well. A lot of the people that I contacted regarding working for them didnt even respond! Daniel was so sweet and let me know that it was fine that I wasnt working and that he would rather have me at home anyway. He took it upon himself and was the only one working (well, I did work around the house) an actual job. His insurance was really good so we had that for my pregnancy. Well, December rolled around, my birthday came, and I woke up sick. That was pretty miserable because as most of you know, pregnant women can take little to nothing for sickness when they are pregnant. The day after my birthday I got another not so lovely birthday present. Daniel called me up and told me that his work laid him off! We were now losing our insurance... YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!! What next?!
The whole insurance thing has been up in the air for a while now, but it is starting to become more clear now and it is kind of up to whether or not we are approved or denied for AHCCCS. If we get denied it will just be another thing to pile up on the snowball that has been building over my pregnancy. I will have to figure something out last minute.
I tried to get a small job at my church working in the nursery. I thought that this would be good because I would get some "mommy practice" while making a little bit of money to help with groceries or whatever. After only my second time of working in the nursery my body decided to go through one of its episodes and I could have passed out again, but luckily it was caught just in time. After that day I decided that it would be best if I didn't work in the nursery until after Landon is born....to try to prevent a pass out.
The latest thing that has happened (which I would rather not disclose on my blog) has pretty much just sent me over the edge and I dont know how much more I can take. I am so upset and probably could break down and cry at any minute. It's almost like I've been robbed and in this case there is absolutely nothing I can do about this particular situation. One of the worst things is the person that did it. It's like I just can't stop thinking about it and I wish you could know how I felt right now.
My hope is that soon...or at least once Landon is born I will get some relief, that the snowball will shatter, and that God will see that I've been through enough.